It looks like the party is almost over for the hippies of Salem, NJ. It's come to the attention of local law enforcement that some people have been doing drugs, so police are breaking out the heavy artillery:
SALEM -- In a tug-of-war for the future of the city's youth, police took a hard pull on Tuesday, setting up half a dozen road signs to let everyone know illicit substances are not welcome here. [Salem County News]
Neighboring towns soon reported an influx of panic-stricken losers, as they fled Salem in droves to escape the coming purge. "This is bullshit," one hippie was overheard exclaiming. "I was on my way home from the park when I saw the sign. Figured I better leave now before all the drugs are totally gone."
Police are thrilled with the immediate results. "We debated for weeks over whether the right number of signs was 5 or 6," said Salem City Police Ptl. John Colon. "This outcome really vindicates everyone who argued for 6 signs. It may seem excessive, but I think the community will thank us next week when their children become completely invincible."
In case the signs don't completely eliminate Salem's drug problem, officials have drawn up blueprints for a giant metal box where they'll trap the drug users.
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